"Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else, and
it hasn't, it's that girls should stick to girls sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such."-Homer
"I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my
kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell?"-Homer
"Lisa, Vampires are make-believe,
like elves, gremlins, and eskimos."-Homer
"I want to share something with you: The three little
sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: Cover for me. Number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss! Number 3: It was like that
when I got here."-Homer
"There's no such thing as a soul. It's just something they
made up to scare kids, like the boogeyman or Michael Jackson."-Bart
"Why would anyone want to hurt me? I'm this century's Dennis
the Menace!"-Bart
"I am the Lizard Queen!"-Lisa
[Lisa in goal for hockey team]
Lisa: "Milhouse, knock him
down if he's in your way! Jimbo, Jimbo, go for the face! Ralph Wiggum lost his shin guard! Hack the bone! Hack the bone!"
"That's where I saw the Leprchaun. He tells me to burn things!"-Ralph
"And, when the doctor said I didn't have worms any more, that
was the happiest day of my life."-Ralph
Ralph: "Daddy, I'm scared. Too scared to even wet my pants."
Chief
Wiggum: "Just relax and it'll come, son."
"Mrs. Krabappel and Principal Skinner were in the closet
making babies and I saw one of the babies and then the baby looked at me."-Ralph
"That's two independent thought alarms in one day. Willie,
the children are over-stimulated. Remove all the colored chalk from the classrooms."-Principal Skinner
"There's no justice like angry-mob justice."-Principal Skinner
"They think they're so high and mighty, just because they never
got caught driving without pants."-Moe
"Man, you go through life, you try to be nice to people,
you struggle to resist the urge to punch 'em in the face, and for what?"-Moe
"Call this an unfair generalization if you must, but
old people are no good at everything."-Moe
"See ya in court, Simpson. Oh, and bring that evidence with
ya, otherwise, I got no case and you'll go scot-free."-Chief Wiggum
"No jury in the world is going to convict a baby ...
Maybe Texas."-Chief Wiggum
"You know, fingerprints are just like snowflakes. They're
both very pretty."-Chief Wiggum
"Fat Tony is a cancer on this fair city! He is the cancer
and I am the ... uh ... what cures cancer?"-Chief Wiggum
"This is Papa Bear. Put out an APB for a male suspect,
driving a... car of some sort, heading in the direction of, uh, you know, that place that sells chili. Suspect is hatless.
Repeat, hatless."-Cheif Wiggum
"Now lets all forget our troubles with a big bowl of strawberry
ice cream!"-Marge
Mr. Burns: "Nonsense! Dogs are idiots!
Think about it, Smithers. If I came into your house and started sniffing at your crotch and slobbering all over you, what
would you say?"
Smithers: "If you did it, sir?"
"Do my worst, eh? Smithers, release the robotic Richard Simmons."-Mr.
Burns
"Ooh, the Germans are mad at me. I'm so scared! Oooh, the Germans!"-Mr.
Burns
"I'm looking for something in an attack dog. One who likes
the sweet gamey tang of human flesh. Hmmm, why here's the fellow ... Wiry, fast, firm, proud buttocks. Reminds me of me."-Mr.
Burns
Mr. Burns: You're fired.
Marge: You
can't fire me just because I'm married. I'm gonna sue the pants off of you.
Mr. Burns: You don't have to sue me to get
my pants off.
Lisa: [reading] "Nuke the whales?" You don't really believe
that, do you?
Nelson: I dunno. Gotta nuke something.
